back from the dead?

I am really sorry I haven't been posting much these days. My life feels really chaotic but I don't think it really is, so I don't have an excuse.

Possible reasons I haven't been posting:

-Since I've been home from NY I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by friends. I never have alone time and for the most part I like it this way but I am going to try to start focusing on me again. (I''m going to come back to this idea)

-My blog, for the most part, is direction-less. There is no main focus to my blog (for example: food blogs, craft blogs, family blogs, travel blogs) My blog is me just rambling about nonsense in my life or random facts and videos which makes me feel uninteresting and self-centered. It's like "hey guys, read about my life, care about what I think" That's how I feel...

Anyways, back to that first idea. I started working part time at Black Sheep again. Pete did me a huge favor by giving me a couple of shifts per week because he can't really afford it, which I really appreciate 100% but I still have so much negative feelings about the place. My biggest issue I'm dealing with is serving amazing coffee to people who do NOT at all care or appreciate it. 95% of our customers just want a "regular cup of coffee" which in itself is amazing at black sheep considering we have really intelligent people that care roasting the coffee, the coffee is roasted in house, we use the clover brewing system and have intelligent and well trained baristas making the coffee.
I also have no connection to any of the customers that come in. They are not interesting or interested in their baristas at all. South St. Paul is a different world. It bothers me most because I think about the 3 months I worked at Gimme and I can think of a good amount of regulars there that would be thrilled if I came back and that is why I love being a barista most of all, it's the barista-customer relationship. It's being proud about serving amazing coffee and serving people who appreciate the taste and complexity of the coffee and the love and passion that goes into it. Maybe you (whoever you may be) don't really understand but I feel very strongly about this.
A positive part of working at black sheep and what makes it so unique is the fact that we are allowed and encouraged to be as creative as we want with our products. If we have an idea we have full reign of ingrediants and equipment to make our wildest dreams come true. And we also have alot of say in the way things run. If something isn't working out you can talk to Peter or Kathy and brainstorm ideas of how to make it a better situation for everyone. This is really important and amazing in my opinion.

I'm only working at Black sheep a couple of days a week though and the rest of my time has been spent with my friends and our crazy antics, which has been really great and everything but I'm trying to start focusing on me and what makes me. I want to set up my darkroom, paint more, write more, rest more, just have more me time.

Since I've been back I've been couch hopping and sharing a room with my sister which hasn't been too bad actually. I don't want to jump on getting a place right away because I'm already starting to think about my next travel plans and I can't afford both. I'm feeling a little bit like Jack Kerouac in On The Road in the sense that I'm pretty direction-less and probably not making the most "responsible" decisions as far as my life goes and "success" and all that but I strive most traveling. Being somewhere I've never been before. I learn so much from these experiences about myself and the world I live in and honestly it makes me feel more alive then I've ever felt. It's living out my dreams and if you don't have any dreams or you don't apply your dreams to your life then what do you really have?